Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Desiring My God

You know, life gets crazy and it gets hectic. I completely understand that we all have a ton to do. Not just with the daily life of going to work, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, and paying bills. But also the big events that go on around us; like a death in the family, a birth, a move, a wedding, a new job, losing a job, and all those other life changing events that affect our lives. Our daily responsibilities are always there to face us each day. Those other big events that also come seem to affect us for more than just one day, but for a season. And who is to say how long that season will last? Something is always going on and has our attention, especially in our non-stop society.

This past month has been very busy for me..... but let me back track for a bit. A lot of my friends will say, "You are always busy!" The truth is I know I used to be and I know I can be, however during the time we lived in Illinois I learned to live differently. I learned to actually rest in each day and take time to seek God. God took me out of my comfort zone in Texas and moved me to a new location where I had to start over. It was fun and exciting. But when I had got to Illinois God faced me with a question, "What was I going to do with my time?" He had impressed upon my heart to lighten my schedule and commitments for a couple years. Though I had tried many times it still wasn't enough. Something always came up. It is so easy for me to believe something is so important that I need to personally do it or that if I won't do it no one will. Most of the time, I pick up things in my own will believing it is what God wants me to do instead of asking God himself if He wants me to do it. Or even better, waiting on God to ask me to do it. I am a go-getter, and if I am not watching my heart it comes across as pride. Anyhow, during my time in Illinois the Lord taught me to rest. Another thing I learned is that just because I was resting didn't mean that I wasn't going to be doing anything. I still had my daily responsibilities and He still asked me to do things, but I spent time with Him each day. Some days I would be praying as I cleaned the house and took care of the babies. Other days I would take hours while my oldest was napping to search scripture and meditate. Yet other times I would be worshiping and dancing with my girl. It might have looked different each day, but I wanted more than just to acknowledge God. I wanted to experience Him and invite Him to experience me if only for a short time each day. While in Illinois I was still pregnant and I had a lot more time while my oldest was napping to set aside for the Lord. I loved it and cherished it.

Now, I find myself busy once again. I honestly don't think it will last that long, but I am already missing those long hours seeking God. We have packed, had a baby, moved, visited lots of family and friends upon arriving back in Texas, made lots of doctor, dentist, and eye appointments, and changed our diet almost 180 degrees because of my gallbladder on top of all the other daily responsibilities. It has been a busy 6 weeks, haha *smile* I have enjoyed it all, the ups and downs. It has been an adventure and I love adventure. Yet in all this, I miss my quiet times with the Lord. I have felt his grace and understanding and I truly love and appreciate God for who He is and how He shows His love to me. I have prayed and worshiped in the car on my way to different places, but I miss those intimate moments when I wasn't busy or watching a clock. I miss sitting down and studying in the word. I miss seeking Him whole heartedly for those couple hours a day and giving Him my full focus.

Matthew 6:33 'But seek you first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.' When we first moved to Illinois, I wondered what God had for us there. I had no idea what it would be. Yet during that time the Lord taught us not to just seek His Kingdom, but to seek his righteousness. It was an amazing time of growth for us. We are still growing, as we always will be, in seeking Gods righteousness. I do feel that with our life on the go it is easier to seek God in His righteousness and watch God continue to work on our hearts. Yet I long to continue to seek His Kingdom and righteousness more intimately as I was, as we were as a family. I know in my heart that this busyness will soon slow down and I am glad that I learned how to rest even in all the commotion. But I am looking forward to the time when my daughters get on the same nap schedule (I hope they do!) and I can have that long amount of time to seek my God again. I have tried getting up early, but my oldest will wake up when she hears the first person stir. For now, I will enjoy the times I have in between drives to worship and the prayer times while cleaning, but I long for time to do nothing and enjoy my God.

This song really speaks my heart. I yearn for my God. I love his presence, but I long for his touch.

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"So speak and so do as being about to be judged by the law of liberty. For judgement will be without mercy to the one not doing mercy, and mercy exalts over judgement." James 2:12-13