Tuesday, February 21, 2012

A Lesson in Obedience

This past week I had a faith crisis. The whole time I was remembering Gods vision and words to me of the week before. He told me last week that He would be there for me when I 'fell out of the boat' and I just needed to trust in Him. To call on Him when I needed Him and to have faith and keep my peace. Well, haha... it seemed I lost my cool all around. With my husband sick and daughter sick, then getting better, and then getting sick again, it all wore me down.
When my little girl got an ear infection this time, I felt like I was suppose to treat her at home. My husband and I were at peace with this decision. My daughter was slowly getting better and she was happy during the days. She had very low grade fevers at night easily controlled by Tylenol if I felt the need to do so. But we didn't want to take her to the doc for antibiotics, we didn't feel that is was necessary. Well after several days of this, I started second guessing my conviction. My little girl wasn't getting worse, but I didn't know how long ear infections were suppose to take to heal. So I called my mom, an RN, and asked her opinions. I made the decision to make a doctors appointment. The night before her fever had spiked around 102, (which went down with the Tylenol). But, doubt was gnawing at me and with her clear drainage, it was all driving me crazy. I didn't feel like I should go to the Doctors, I didn't have a peace about it, but I was letting my worry get the best of me. I called my husband and told him that we were taking her in when he got off work because I had made our daughter an appointment. So we go to the doctor, and like I expected, she was prescribed an antibiotic. I felt the Lord telling me not to give her the antibiotic, but I was being rebellious and stubborn in my fear and doubt. After one dose of the antibiotic, my girl had a bad reaction and it kept us all up all night. She reacted for at least 24 hours with major stomach cramps and fussiness. There was nothing that I could do to make her feel better and she cried and was fussy almost the whole time. She didn't even sleep much. That next morning I called and got her another antibiotic. I once again was convicted that I should just stop the antibiotics and go back to treating her at home. But, I just thought that if I started and antibiotic she should finish it. I knew I was making excuses and that I was just acting out of my fear. I was struggling in my spirit with what I knew God was asking of me and what my mind was telling me. I was literally frustrated. But...... I gave her the new antibiotic anyways knowing that she would get better, but not really believing myself. I felt so at odds with myself. The worse part was that I felt like I shouldn't give her the antibiotic, but I didn't have the faith that God was healing her. So that I needed to give her the medicine so she would get better. It was frustrating and I kept doubting myself, feeling emotionally torn. Three days after I took her to the doctor the first time, I hit my breaking point. My little girl started to shows signs of perioribital cellulitis in her eye. I knew the signs because she had it once before. I talked with my husband and we called the after hours doctor to see what they said. We did so because last time she had it, it came up that night quickly and by the time we had waited for morning to take her to her doctor, it was bad. We went home after we called the doctor and looked up home remedies. My husband was not very comfortable with more antibiotics and wanted to go back to treating her at home, but I just wanted to see what the doctor had to say. I was getting to the end of my rope emotionally. I was at odds with myself. I think I was a little emotional :/ So, we went to the after hours doctor and the doctor confirmed that she had the periorbital cellulits and that her infected ear was very red and irritated. Also, since her appointment three days earlier her clear drainage had turned yellow/green, she had a cough that she couldn't shake, and she was still having fevers, wouldn't eat much, and wasn't happy during the days. She was definitely getting worse. She couldn’t have two of the antibiotics they normally prescribed because she is allergic to them. She was taking the third antibiotic that wasn’t covering the eye, cough, or sinuses, only the ears which didn't seem to be doing much. The doctor said they only had one other antibiotic before having to go get IV antibiotics at the hospital. My husband and I did not feel that is what she needed or comfortable with that. Her eye was not near what it was the last time so we didn't agree. It literally had just started. So we took the last antibiotic prescription the offered and left. When we went to pick up the prescription and I read the side effects and other info and I WAS NOT comfortable with giving her the antibiotic. The side effects where the same ones she had with the first two antibiotics they wanted to try that she was allergic to. I really was getting emotional because my heart was telling me to take her off antibiotics and trust God, but I just couldn’t see her getting better without them. So I sat there and vented to my husband. I told him my heart and struggle. He agreed that she needed to be taken off the antibiotics and had been telling me so, but also understood that I was spiritually struggling with God on this issue. So I spent some time praying and repenting. Then we called our parents and got some other info on our medical histories and further felt that she shouldn’t be on the antibiotic. All of these things were building my faith, but I was still doubting and in fear. I was seriously still struggling with my rebellion. I had prayed, repented, and God had given us more information to go with what He was telling my heart and my husbands heart, but for some reason I just couldn’t give it up. I finally broke down and I cried out to God, I just had to give it up. I had to have faith. I couldn’t be split. I knew what actions we would take, but my heart could not be riding the fence. So I literally had to call out to God and pour out my heart to Him. I had to be broken, I had to give up. I couldn’t have it my way, and ask God to lead. I couldn't expect His provision when I had tied his hands because of my heart. My husband came to talk to me in our room once we were back at home and I just knew what we were to do and had a peace. It was awesome. God had given me the strength and peace to have faith! At midnight that night we gave our daughter Benadryl to clear up the congestion and drainage and cleaned her eye. She was doing SO much better than she was earlier at the doctors. At 5am the next morning, her eye was even better, she had no drainage, and had not ran a fever at all that night, the first time in a week. When we woke up that morning before her appointment with her doctor, her eye barely needed wiped, the swelling was gone, and it was only slightly red. I was watching her be healed before my eyes the whole night. By the time we got to the doctor at 10am, where her eye had been red before had gotten even smaller. The doctor looked at her and said she just looked like she has been tearing up and that she doesn’t think she had perioribital cellulitis as they had confirmed the night before. Also, when she checked her ears she had to ask us which one was infected because neither of them look even slightly red. The night before, her infected ear was still infected and very red per the after hours doctor. The doctor told us she agreed with us and didn’t see a need to continue further treatment of the eye or other antibiotics, because it didn’t seem like it was anything more than an irritation. Basically, after I finally gave up my will, that was being controlled by fear and doubt, obeyed God, and let Him be in control, my little girl was healed. Even though my intentions were for the best, they were wrong and sinful. I was prolonging my girls healing because of my pride and fear. So that is my testimony from last week…..Praise God, I have enjoyed a fear-free peaceful weekend and God has once again continued to showed his faithfulness and love in our lives. Praise Him!


  1. Thank you for the update on Ari and on how you are being changed by a loving merciful Father. Praise God for healing little Ari, and for a wonderful picture for all of us who struggle in allowing fear to push our buttons.

  2. I love reading this.. so blessed just from reading it.. God ROCKS..


"So speak and so do as being about to be judged by the law of liberty. For judgement will be without mercy to the one not doing mercy, and mercy exalts over judgement." James 2:12-13